What if
by 177223
Summary: The cool thing about this fic is the chapters don't relate to each other at all. So don't think since this is an 8-chapter fic, you can't get involved. Because YOU CAN.
1. Everything you never needed to know

What if…  
  
A different kind of fic by linzy8554, the ever insane person who would love to spend all her time chatting with friends on the Internet but doesn't really have the time. For that matter, she has no time at all. Too bad for her.  
  
Rated PG to be safe. Warning: minor bashing for EVERY character. Major bashing for some.  
  
Well, earlier I began to think (first time for everything) and… wait. I forgot what I had thought about. Typical. Anyway, here's the fic!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own nothing. Except for me. RANDOM SQUIRREL!  
  
How this works: each chapter is a "What if…" kind of thing. In example, chapter one is "What if… Ganondorf was a fashion expert… in denial?" I take suggestions, and chapter 2 is already in the works. But I'll say more on that later. Just read and review!  
  
What if… Ganondorf was a fashion expert… in denial?  
  
…  
  
"Team battle, one stock!!!" the announcer's voice rang over Icicle Mountain.  
  
Ganondorf looked down at his clothes. "Red team…" he muttered, scanning the area for his opponents. "Link… green… Zelda… green… Young Link… green… WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH GREEN HYLIANS!? Not like they would be caught dead in blue or red…"  
  
Then again, red was out of season. Why did HE have to be out of season? He always seemed too slow to catch up with fashion. Who really cared about fashion anyway… Not like anyone ever noticed his beautiful cape or shiny boots…  
  
What was the deal with the boots, anyway? Plenty of the Smashers wore them… What purpose did they serve? Sure, they were useful on Icicle Mountain and Fountain of Dreams to keep his feet warm and dry, but wouldn't it have made a lot more sense to have a nice sporty pair of athletic shoes? Who came up with the wardrobe anyway? He struggled to decide which Smasher he pitied the most.  
  
Was it Peach, whose identity changed with her outfit? She could be Peach, Daisy, or Nurse Peach- depending on what she was wearing. That had to be disturbing.  
  
Or was it the nearly nude crew: Bowser, Kirby, the Pokémon, Mr. Game and Watch, DK, and Yoshi? He'd ask them if they were making a statement or something, but unfortunately, none of them could speak in complete sentences. Except for Bowser, who was too bent on capturing the Mushroom Kingdom to talk to Ganondorf.  
  
Perhaps Samus, who wore so much armor, no one could tell that she was a girl. How about Captain Falcon? Ganondorf laughed at this. His pink and white armor color scheme made it hard to tell he was a man…  
  
What about Link, the chief Hylian dork? Tights at age 17. The ten year old version of himself refused to wear them (and for good reason) so he just wore the "tunic" (greatly resembling a dress) with no tights. Drafty, it would seem. But they both had that HORRENDOUS green hat…  
  
Ganondorf chuckled at the thought of Marth. Two words explained his problem: "Tiara Boy." But his buddy Roy… that kid had it all going for him… except he had what Ganondorf liked to call "hazardous hair." His hair was so spiky, it was a danger to those who got too close. Like, someone walks up to him, smiles, and says, "Hi Roy! How're you doin- AUGH! MY EYE!"  
  
And, oh, the horror of matching outfits. Ganondorf wondered whether dressing like your sibling should be illegal… The Mario brothers, the Ice Climbers, ugh. He was all for independence. Especially… in your choice of clothing.  
  
Dr. Mario, Fox, and Falco. He expected better of them. Wearing white after Labor Day… would the madness never cease?  
  
Ah, Ness. Took one look at him and noticed something incredible. His clothes matched perfectly. Ganondorf knew there was NO WAY the kid could've picked that out himself, so… HIS MOMMY DID IT FOR HIM! Ganondorf grinned at this revelation.  
  
And Zelda… Zelda appeared perfect. But of course, her lack of common sense got the better of her, and she was constantly dating Link. Or Marth. Whichever one she was least mad at. "What a ditz…" Ganondorf muttered. "At least I'm not that stu-"  
  
WHAM!  
  
So, while lost in his thoughts, Ganondorf was supposed to be battling Link, Young Link, and Zelda on Icicle Mountain.  
  
And, of course, Icicle Mountain waits for no one.  
  
~FIN~  
  
So, didja like it? Didja hate it? I wanna know! Oh, and ideas for future chapters are welcome. Encouraged actually. Next chapter's in the works… need Marth and Roy fans/haters… so blah! RANDOM SQUIRREL! NOW GO REVIEW! 


	2. Budget cuts

Here we have Chapter 2. Since no one really said they were obsessed with Marth or Roy in the reviews, I'll just go with flutegurl152's Secret Mission to the Real World and put in her, LilFilipinoGurl, and me. Read it.  
  
A/N: Many thanks for the reviews. And to Cyto Nazumuri: you read my mind. Roy should be a chef. Of course, I used to be the insanely demented Marth fan, so…  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing in this chapter. Or any other chapter. Go figure.  
  
Chapter 2: What if… Marth and Roy… had a cooking show?  
  
…  
  
"Welcome…" said Roy.  
  
"…to Marth and Roy LIVE!" finished Marth.  
  
"No," said Roy, "not Marth and Roy 'live.' LIVE, with the long I."  
  
"Well, why did you pick that name in the first place? Why not 'Marth and Roy DEAD'? We don't cook with live food…"  
  
"Fine," muttered Roy, "The show's called Marth and Roy DEAD. Happy?"  
  
"Well…"  
  
"Hey guys," yelled Pete the camera guy, "We have an hour to do the show, and the cameras are rolling…"  
  
"Really?" said Marth. He paused. "Hi, Mom!"  
  
"Roy rolled his eyes and turned to the camera. "I'm Roy, he's Marth, and we're broadcasting live-"  
  
"AHEM!"  
  
"er… dead… from the Hyrule-Mushroom Kingdom border. So if you're ever in the area, drop by and maybe we can-"  
  
Roy was suddenly interrupted by the shouts of what appeared to be crazed fangirls. They were apparently trying to bust the door in.  
  
Marth turned to Roy. "Uh… are they gonna be a problem?"  
  
"Nah," said Roy. "We triple reinforced the door with steel. There are only 9 copies of the key. You and I have one apiece, Pete has one, Joe the janitor has one, and Security has 4."  
  
"Roy?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"That's eight."  
  
"Oh. So where's the other ke-"  
  
The door burst open, and the completely insane fangirls filled the room.  
  
"I LOVE YOU ROY!" screeched Flutegurl152.  
  
"Marry me, Marth!" cried the author.  
  
"No, Marth is MINE!" cried LilFilipinoGurl, and the first of many fights began.  
  
"One stock battle, erm, LilFilipinoGurl vs. linzy8554, start the melee!" cried the announcer, who had just returned from coffee break and was hurriedly finishing a donut.  
  
"WAIT!" Roy screamed, and everybody froze. "We're kind of… filming here… could you girls please… uh… take all this outside?"  
  
"ANYTHING FOR YOU, ROY!" they cried, and crowded out the door.  
  
Silence hung in the air.  
  
"Well," said Marth, moving to look out the window, "That was almost too eas-"  
  
A cat flew by.  
  
More silence.  
  
"…Never mind them," said Roy, "let's just get on with the show…"  
  
"Uh, right," said Marth. "Today, we'll be cooking Food!"  
  
"But not just any Food you can find in a battle!" added Roy.  
  
Marth raised an eyebrow. "Then what are we cooking, Roy?"  
  
"We're making…  
  
…  
  
…  
  
(the suspense builds…)  
  
…"  
  
"OH JUST SAY IT FOR PETE'S SAKE!"  
  
"Hey, I resemble that remark!" cried Pete the camera guy.  
  
"S'MORES!" cried Roy. "Perhaps the most delicious thing on the planet!"  
  
"Roy?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Do you even know what a s'more is?"  
  
"No, not really. But I have… our handy dandy cookbook here to help me!"  
  
"…Roy, you have never truly lived. S'mores are usually made over an open flame. Outside."  
  
"I, uh, knew that… well, we'll just use the microwave. It can't be that much different, right?"  
  
"Right…" said Marth, leaning against a countertop, "…So where'd they put the supplies?"  
  
"Up here," said Roy, reaching into a cabinet and pulling out a box of graham crackers, a few Hershey bars, and a bag of…  
  
"PEEPS?" cried Marth. "Y-you… PEEPS? What about marshmallows?"  
  
"Sorry, Marth, tight budget."  
  
"B-but how OLD are they? They only sold those in MARCH this year!"  
  
"So? It's only the middle of June."  
  
"3 ½ months?!"  
  
"Hmm… maybe that's why they were trying to get rid of them…" Roy muttered, opening the bag and popping one in his mouth.  
  
Marth's jaw dropped to the floor. "I… can't… believe… you just… did… that…"  
  
Roy swallowed it. "Still good," he said. "Get serious, Marth. Come over here and help me make this thing."  
  
Marth grabbed a plate, put two graham crackers on it, and put three Hershey squares on one. On the other, he carefully placed a Peep. "All right, Roy, I've never done this in a microwave before. What does the cookbook say?"  
  
"It says, 'Leave marshmallows in fire until desired crispiness is reached."  
  
"And about microwaves?"  
  
"Um…" said Roy, reading quickly, "Absolutely nothing."  
  
"Great," replied Marth, "just great."  
  
"Okay…" muttered Roy, "We're on air… this isn't really working…"  
  
Suddenly, Roy had an idea.  
  
"I have an idea!" Roy cried suddenly.  
  
"WE KNOW!"  
  
Roy blinked before continuing. "You think we should just cook them the same amount of time they'd be in the fire?"  
  
"Worth a try," said Marth. "Put them in for 2 minutes. I like mine crispy."  
  
Roy did so.  
  
"Alrighty then," said Marth, "and to drink, we have milk… Roy! Where's the refrigerator?"  
  
"I told you, Marth," Roy said slowly, "Budget cuts. The cow's outside."  
  
"But- what about the fangirls!?"  
  
"Uh… I guess you could go out there, or we could drink water, or I could go-"  
  
Roy paused and looked at Marth.  
  
"Water," they said simultaneously.  
  
"So…" Marth paused. "How did the s'mores turn out?"  
  
"They're still cooking, Marth."  
  
Marth turned to look in the microwave. "They should almost be- AUGH! GIANT CHICKEN!"  
  
Against his better judgment, Roy ran over and opened the door. And the Peep, which had become enormous, chose that moment to explode. All over Roy's face.  
  
Roy turned to face the camera, the bits of Peep sliding down his face. As the camera zoomed in, Marth could be seen in the background, eating the rest of the Hershey bars.  
  
"Well," said Roy, "this is it. The show's over. And right now, I'm going to go outside and let myself be worshipped by fangirls until I fall asleep next to the cow. Tune in tomorrow, when we make peanut butter and jelly."  
  
~fin~  
  
A/N: I NEED SUGGESTIONS!!! THIS THING IS GOING NOWHERE UNTIL I CAN GET OUT OF THIS STUPID WRITER'S BLOCK! ARGHHHH!!!…  
  
Etc, etc, etc. 


	3. Those three evil little words

The Chapter 3  
  
Disclaimer: I like cheese. OK, I disclaim everything. I don't own: Nintendo, any of the characters in SSBM, the Bill of Rights, Nike, the Loser's Hall of Shame, or those three evil little words: TO BE CONTINUED!  
  
A/N: yes, I have done the unspeakable and broken this chapter into a two- parter. I don't know what came over me, but here it is. Right after I posted Chapter 2, I wondered what the heck I could do for this one. That night, I had a dream that Link kept raising his eyebrow and Mr. Game and Watch was trying to eat me. Hence, this chapter. What kind of a word is hence? Anyhow... just read it.  
  
What if... the Smashers had.. a news show?  
  
The camera flickered on, and the music began. A voice rang across the room, "Welcome.. to Super Smashers' News Melee Thingy!"  
  
Link raised an eyebrow at this... disturbing... introduction before he began. "My name is Link, and this is my partner in crime, Princess Peach Toadstool. We have lots of news tonight, don't we, Peach?"  
  
"Yes," agreed Peach. "As always, lots of breaking news. But first, we have the sports news! Today, Yoshi broke the record in the home run challenge using his world-famous flutter kick. And DK survived a vicious 15 minutes with some various wireframes. Now we go to Fox McCloud, in an exclusive interview with this powerful ape!"  
  
"Thank you, Peach," said Fox. He turned to DK. "Well, now you're on TV. Do you have anything to say about your victory against those hundreds of wireframes? Anything to encourage younger athletes?"  
  
DK paused, in deep thought.  
  
"...I..."  
  
"...would..."  
  
"...like..."  
  
"...BANANA!" he finished.  
  
Silence.  
  
Fox shrugged. "I... guess you heard it here first. Back to you, Peach."  
  
"Thank you, Fox. On a different note, Falco Lombardi was nominated today to be in the "Loser's Hall of Shame. As our current 'Master of Disaster,' he has been KO'd 749 times. We congratulate him on his nomination and hope he wins."  
  
"Yes we do," agreed Link. "And now, BREAKING NEWS! A SUSPECT KIDNAPPER HAS BEEN ARRESTED! As you probably know, most of the shorter Smashers have disappeared! My younger incarnation, the Ice Climbers, Ness, Pichu, Pikachu, and Jigglypuff went missing, one a day over the past week. Very mysterious... but our very own Samus Aran, reporter/interrogator/detective extraordinaire has managed to score an exclusive interview with this suspect, a Mr. Game and Watch. Over to you, Samus."  
  
"Thank you, Link. I am standing beside this large pot, which was apparently used to cook the victims. We seem to be facing not only a criminal mastermind, but a cannibal." Samus turned to the police car behind her. "This is where the suspect is currently being held. Although he will soon be taken to the police office downtown, I've been given permission to begin his questioning." Samus climbed into the car then turned to the camera. "Let's get started, shall we?" She turned to Mr. G&W. "Name?"  
  
"Game and Watch."  
  
"Place of birth?"  
  
"Flat Zone."  
  
"Favorite color?"  
  
"Are you really a detective?"  
  
"No. And I ask the questions. Did you eat all those people?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Did you kidnap them?"  
  
"I plead the Fifth."  
  
"This is SSBM. There is no Fifth."  
  
"That sucks. Well, yeah, I kidnapped them."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because he would've eaten me too!"  
  
"Aha!," cried Samus, turning back to the camera, "Someone else is involved!" She turned back to Mr. G&W, but he appeared unconscious. Then she saw the flower sticking out of his head. "A victim of Lip's Stick.. the killer has returned... we are-"  
  
The camera fell to the ground as Pete the camera guy was eaten. It lay sideways on the pavement, still recording. Samus final screams were heard as she reached for the camera. She turned it to her attacker to perhaps reveal the true criminal mastermind, but it was too late. She was swallowed whole; the last thing she saw was a flash of... pink?  
  
Kirby walked around the camera to see if it was good. He looked straight into the lens, cried, "Hi!" and swallowed it whole.  
  
And nothing more.  
  
The screen flickered back to Link and Peach. Link had his head down on the desk, bawling. Peach tried to comfort him, but he refused to let go. "NOW I'LL NEVER GET HER NUMBER!" he wailed.  
  
"Oh come on, Link, grow up," said Peach, smiling seductively. "You can have more than my number after the show is over..."  
  
"AUGHHH!" Link cried, snapping up from the desk, mortified.  
  
Peach smiled at the camera. "That always works. Now, for our next story... a prank caller has been plaguing us Smashers for quite a while now. We have had many complaints of-"  
  
"Excuse me, Miss Toadstool," interrupted Mewtwo, the guy at the TV station who gets paid to answer the phone, "but there's an urgent call for Link. After he takes it, just resume news as usual."  
  
"Just patch him through over the speaker," said Link.  
  
"Um...OK..." said Mewtwo, but that may be a bad-"  
  
"Just do it," said Link.  
  
Mewtwo pushed a few buttons, and the sound filled the room.  
  
"DIE LINK DIE DIE DIE LINK DIE DIE LINK DIE LINK DIE!" The speaker gasped for air before adding one more "Die, Link," and hanging up.  
  
Silence.  
  
Link raised an eyebrow as Peach slowly continued the story. "Cries of "Die, Link," are filling the jelly donut of Nintendoland."  
  
Link raised his other eyebrow. "Nintendoland is a jelly donut?" he thought. "Donuts..." He began to move his mouth mindlessly and started drooling all over the table.  
  
Mewtwo had barely any time to wonder what kind of moron wrote Peach's metaphors when the phone rang again. He answered, making 50 bucks.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"DIE LINK DIE LINK DIE DIE LINK DIE!"  
  
"Please hold," said Mewtwo. He covered the receiver with one hand/paw- thing and turned to Peach. "Same guy," he said.  
  
"Um..." Peach turned to Link, who, at the moment, was gnawing on the desk. "Since Link can't take the call... I'll handle this. Patch him through."  
  
Mewtwo had no sooner pushed the button than cries of "DIE, LINK" filled the room. Just as the mystery caller was about to hang up, Peach screamed "WAIT!" at the top of her lungs, even snapping Link out of his drunken stupor. (which had been attempted many times over the past year. Zelda, I hope you're taking notes.)  
  
Everyone was silent, but the mystery caller didn't hang up.  
  
"Okay," said Peach, "interview. What is your name?"  
  
"Uh... if I tell you, will you not tell anyone else?"  
  
Peach looked around the room, then out at the viewers. "Okay," she said, trying to keep a straight face.  
  
"Uh... Ganondorf."  
  
"Knew it..." muttered Link.  
  
"Hey!" cried Ganondorf, "Is somebody else there?"  
  
"Um... no!" said Peach, then leaned over and whispered "donut" in his ear. He immediately resumed drunken stupor-mode.  
  
"Good," said Ganondorf.  
  
"So," said Peach, "why do you want to kill Link?"  
  
"Because," said Ganondorf, "only his sacrifice will STOP THE VOICES!"  
  
Silence.  
  
"Ohh-kaaayyyy..." said Peach. "Um... thank you. You can go now."  
  
"Thanks. I like your dress, by the way," he said, before hanging up.  
  
"Well," said Peach, "more news after the break. Stay tuned!"  
  
A/N: *singing* ... um never mind. I have done the unspeakable and made this chapter a TO BE CONTINUED! The next chapter is the commercial break, then one more news story, la la la! Um... just review.  
  
A/N 2: Sorry about the messed up upload. It never did that before... 


	4. Welcome to Bowser and Friends, the show ...

A/N: Hey people, sorry, but I don't really feel like continuing the last chapter. There was only one news story thing left anyway, and it was pretty boring, so get over it. Instead, *scans reviews* I'll do this! I'm gonna use Nano and Popa's idea to put Bowser inside the Barney suit... enjoy! And many thanks to the Ice Climbers Nano and Popa! *applause*  
  
Disclaimer: this is for standard purposes, because you all know I own nothing. Not even the plot... O.o I don't own SSBM, Barney, Yu-Gi-Oh, Austin Powers, or anything else. Except Pete the camera guy. But like I said, you know that.  
  
What if... Bowser... was the actor in the Barney suit?  
  
And the last time I saw Barney I was five years old, so bear with me. And I also realizesrealize everyone is extremely OOC. Too bad.  
  
"Barney is a dinosaur from our imagination and when he's tall he's what we call a dinosaur sensation... (etc. etc. It's unbelievably hard to remember Barney songs while listening to Linkin Park.)  
  
Backstage:  
  
"So," said Bowser, ready to go onstage in a big purple suit, "what am I supposed to do again?"  
  
"Easy," said the director, "just be lovable, don't hurt the kids (or the crew), and say the words 'imagination,' 'think,' and 'learn' a lot. Parents suck up to that."  
  
"Yeah," said Bowser, "but...why am I doing this again?"  
  
"Because," replied the director, "we are giving you..." he put his pinky to his lips (Dr. Evil-ish...how you describe that is WAY beyond me...), "one hundred BEELION DOLLARS!!! MWA HA HA HA HA! HA!"  
  
"Um... whatever. But- "  
  
"Too late! You're on!" the director cried, shoving Bowser onstage.  
  
Bowser looked at his surroundings, thinking at least the Barney head was easy to see out of, before he realized... there was no Barney head. So, as all the cameras focused in on him, he motioned to a crew guy. And millions of preschoolers were terrified as they watched Barney have his head thrown to him from off screen. They became even more mortified when "Barney" put the head on... backwards. He twisted it around, however, and introduced the show.  
  
"Previously on Yu-Gi-Oh... Yami killed Pegasus after an innocent duel went terribly wrong. Everyone disappeared, but Tristan and Téa were later found in a closet. And Joey and Mai were found a few days later, wondering who won and trying to kill each other at the same ti- " Bowser stopped as he saw the director frantically motioning to him.  
  
"This... is... not.. Yu-Gi-Oh..." mouthed the director silently.  
  
"Then why is it on the cue screen?" said Bowser loudly.  
  
The director sighed. "There is no cue screen. That's just the author, stapling in her little Yu-Gi-Oh bit. I think we can edit that out... but just introduce 'Barney' if ya don't mind..."He  
  
"Okay..." muttered Bowser, "Uh... welcome to Barney and friends! I'm... Barney, and these are my friends!"  
  
Cue friends. Kirby, Young Link, and the Ice Climbers skipped onto the stage, arm in arm.  
  
"All right," said Bowser, who didn't really know any of them, "how about you introduce yourselves? All the kids out there want to meet you..." he motioned to the camera.  
  
"OKAY!" cried Young Link, running toward the camera, smacking into it, and falling flat on his back. It didn't faze him, however, and he jumped up. "HI MY NAME IS LINK AND I AM TEN YEARS OLD AND MATCHES ARE MY FRIENDS AND NAVI IS AFTER MY BRAIN AND A LOT OF GIRLS LIKE ME WHEN I'M OLDER AND SQUIRRELS ARE GOOD FOR YOUR CIRCULATORY SYSTEM AND- "  
  
"OKAY!" said Bowser. "ENOUGH! Kirby, your turn."  
  
"Hi!" cried Kirby as he ate Pete the camera guy.  
  
"Kirby, that's not nice!" cried Bowser.  
  
Kirby ate Young Link.  
  
"Kirby! Stop!" cried Bowser.  
  
Kirby ate the director.  
  
"Now he's in for it..." muttered Bowser.  
  
"STOP!" cried the director. (and how he can do that after he's been eaten is WAY beyond me...)  
  
Kirby spit him and the others out.  
  
"WOW THAT WAS COOL I JUST GOT EATEN BY... A PINK BLOB THAT'S LIKE A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE EXCEPT ONCE I WAS ATTACKED BY A HIPPO AND- "  
  
"Kirby, you're fired!" cried the director.  
  
"FIRE FIRE FIRE I LOVE FI- "  
  
Young Link was silenced by a look from the director.  
  
"Kirby's replacement will be here shortly. Meanwhile..." the director glanced at Bowser.  
  
"Uh... right," said Bowser. "Nana, Popo, introduce yourselves."  
  
"Hi my name is Nana and Popo is my best friend!"  
  
"Hi my name is Popo and Nana is my best friend!"  
  
"Well, there you go," said Bowser. "Now what?"  
  
Nana raised her hand. "Usually we sing a song!"  
  
"OK..." said Bowser, "let's... sing... a song then... about.." he looked around and saw a... "school."  
  
"OOH! ME FIRST!" cried Young Link. He started singing.  
  
"I HATE SCHOOL THEY HATE ME CAUSE I FLUNKED OUT OF CHEMISTRY THERE WAS A GREAT BIG BOOM AND SMOKE WAS EVERYWHERE I MIXED THE WRONG CHEMICALS AT THE SCIENCE FAIR!"  
  
He stopped singing. "DIDJA LIKE IT? IT'S BASED ON A TRUE STORY THAT REALLY HAPPENED AND- "  
  
Before Young Link could finish, however, the director walked onstage and introduced Kirby's replacement. He only spoke Latin, so Bowser was given a translation book and set loose.  
  
"Uh..." said Bowser, "nice singing, Young Link. But now we have to introduce our friend here. What's your name, friend?"  
  
"Mihi nomen est Ness. Quid facit puer?" he said, pointing to Young Link.  
  
Bowser scrambled to find a translation in the book, cursing under his breath and mortifying some more preschoolers. "Quid facit...- what is... doing," he muttered, "and puer...- a/the boy...- so... what is the boy doing? Young Link is..." Bowser began to reply, as Young Link set a small bush on fire. Nana and Popo blew it out.  
  
"Young Link is being weird," said Bowser.  
  
"Sic," replied Ness.  
  
"Well," said Bowser, "fortunately, this is all the time we have today. Maybe tomorrow we can make it inside the school..."  
  
At that moment, a rogue tornado came through and swept away the school.  
  
"YAY!" cried Young Link. "I CALLED THE TORNADO! BOW BEFORE ME MERE MORTALS! MWAHAHAHAHAHAH! HA!"  
  
"Or not," said Bowser. "Now, remember..." he looked at the director. "Do I have to sing it?" he asked.  
  
The director nodded.  
  
Bowser sighed. "iloveyouyoulovemewereahappyfamilywithagreatbighugandakissfrommetoyouwontyou sayyoulovemetoo..." he grumbled.  
  
"We love you, Barney!" cried Nana and Popo.  
  
"J'aime tu!" cried Ness.  
  
"I thought you spoke Latin..." said Bowser.  
  
"I do," said Ness.  
  
"Only Latin."  
  
"I do. And I really like squirrels."  
  
"..."  
  
"BURN!" cried Young Link.  
  
~fin~  
  
yeah, it was short. Too bad for you. Now click that bluish purplish button and review! Or else I'll sic Young Link on ya! Either that or I'll drag someone outta YGO... 


	5. Ah, the joys of being tied up with duct ...

Heh... I'm still here. My apologies for the freakishly-long wait...  
  
Roy: You BETTER apologize...  
  
Well... this chapter is titled "What if... the author got stuck in writer's block... and ripped off one of her own stories" BECAUSE this chapter really is a rip-off of a fic I wrote sometime last year, and some of the dialogue and such will be taken DIRECTLY from the other fic. That's why it's not really as funny... Rhonda and Steph are the only two who ever read the original; it was never posted. So my apologies to those two. Here goes...  
  
Disclaimer: I own SSBM. Yeah right.  
  
What if... the author got stuck in writer's block... and ripped off one of her own stories?  
  
  
  
I sighed and flopped on the bed. Writer's block was so evil...  
  
I grabbed a pencil and wrote "What if: ch. 5" at the top of my piece of notebook paper. I tried brainstorming and managed to narrow my choices to the following:  
  
turn smashers to mice  
  
karaoke  
  
finish news  
  
"Come on..." said Peach, "you can't make me sit through the news again..." She glanced at Link, who was frantically searching for donuts.  
  
"Um... Ok, scratch that. Karaoke?"  
  
Peach glanced significantly at Link again.  
  
"Alright, if not karaoke, then mice."  
  
"EXCUSE ME!?!?!?" cried Link.  
  
"You're excused," I muttered, "but that's what you're stuck with."  
  
"Not if we can help it!" cried Link. "We're rebelling!"  
  
"That's not possible!" I said, "I am the all-powerful authoress!" (A/N: btw, today, November 1, is National Author's Day so I salute all of you fellow authors! Then again, now it's three days later. Heh.)  
  
"Yes it is possible..." said Link in a singsong kinda voice.  
  
"Told ya he couldn't sing," muttered Peach.  
  
"Anyway..." said Link, "Linzy, look at your pencil."  
  
"And...?"  
  
"Darth Vader's taken over it."  
  
"So he has!" I cried, realizing this was my Darth Vader pencil. "Crap; I knew I didn't pay the guy enough..."  
  
"Now here's how WE like it!"  
  
~~Link's version:  
  
Link got out of bed, put on his PANTS, and got some donuts. Then he murdered some fairies. ~~  
  
"Uh..." I said, "you actually LIKE wearing pants?"  
  
"Yes, I find it quite-"  
  
"OK!" I interrupted, "Don't wanna know. Now let me go write chapter 5..." I tried to get up, but Link had tied me to a chair and we weren't in my room anymore. "LINK!" I cried, "Where are we?"  
  
"We're... um... I dunno. But there is a lot of sitting room. And a very nice stereo. And..." he gasped, "DONUTS!!!!!!"  
  
So he ran off to eat all the donuts and may or may not return to this fic.  
  
"Yes, that is my decision," said Darth Vader.  
  
I rolled my eyes and tried to free myself. I couldn't, of course, because Link was just barely smart enough to use duct tape. So I just watched helpless as the other 24 smashers filed in and sat down. They looked about as confused as I did.  
  
"Alrighty then," said Darth Vader, "I called you all here today for a reason. The authoress..." he motioned to me, "is temporarily... incapacitated... so you guys get to write chapter five."  
  
"About ANYTHING we want?" asked Ness. "Like I don't have to speak Latin anymore?"  
  
"Yes, you still have to speak some random language."  
  
Ness sighed. "Quid Pokémon faciunt?"  
  
"We're speaking English," said Pikachu. "Or we at least get subtitles or something."  
  
Ness sighed again. "Je ne comprends pas."  
  
"Too bad," said Darth Vader, "Get over it. In fact, you can go next."  
  
~~Ness's version:  
  
Euh... bonjourno. Mihi nomen est Ness. J'aime cette montre verte. Mihi dormire placet. Je voudrais acheter l'hamburger. (A/N: This would be so much easier if I had my textbook...) Euh... j'ai fini. Je suis le grand fromage! Mangez plus de poulet!~~  
  
"Uh..." said Samus, "That would be a lot easier to understand if Ness spoke English. The only word I understood was hamburger."  
  
Darth Vader sighed. "I suppose you're right..." He turned to our good buddy Pete the camera guy. "Pete, can you do subtitles or something?"  
  
"Nope," said Pete, "but I bet the authoress would translate; she's the freaky language major..."  
  
"Fine," said Darth Vader, "Linzy, translate."  
  
"Um..." I said, attempting a negotiation, "Perhaps you could untie me..."  
  
Darth Vader reached for his lightsaber, and NOT to cut me loose...  
  
"Alrighty then, I guess I'll just translate."  
  
~~Ness's version, TRANSLATED:  
  
Um... good day. My name is Ness. I like this green watch. I like to sleep. I would like to buy a hamburger. Um... I'm finished. I am the big cheese! Eat more chicken!~~  
  
"Ness... you are one strange, lost little child," Fox said solemnly.  
  
The other smashers nodded in agreement.  
  
"Statua in piscinam cadit," answered Ness with a smirk.  
  
"OOH!" cried Darth Vader, "RETALIATION!"  
  
The smashers backed a step away from Darth Vader.  
  
Dr. Mario gave Ness a questioning look. "You know," he said, "nearly all doctors learn Latin so they can do medicine and stuff."  
  
"AND...???" questioned the rest of the smashers.  
  
"I didn't. I'm not really a doctor. I just work for the little green people." He motioned toward the sky. "They have lasers. And lots of shiny things."  
  
The smashers backed a step away from Dr. Mario.  
  
I sighed. "'Statua in piscinam cadit,' means, 'The statue is falling into the fishpond.'"  
  
The smashers backed a step away from Ness.  
  
"CAN I BE UNTIED NOW?!?!" I cried.  
  
"No..." said Darth Vader, "but someone else gets to do a version of a fic."  
  
"A fic?" I cried. "I thought it was this fic!"  
  
"It is."  
  
I decided not to put in too many more comments.  
  
~~Captain Falcon's version:  
  
"Hello!" cried Captain Falcon (hereby known as CF).  
  
"Hello!" came an echo.  
  
CF giggled. "I am a moron!"  
  
"You are a moron!"  
  
"Drat," said CF, "That never works."  
  
"I'm looking for a moose!" he cried again.  
  
"I'm looking for a moose!"  
  
"Great! Have you found one yet?"  
  
"Great! Have you found one yet?"  
  
"You're gonna TAKE em all!" CF accused.  
  
"SQUIRREL!" replied the echo, and that was all.  
  
Then CF saw the squirrel, screamed like a baby, and grabbed a passing moose. The moose kept running, dragging CF with it.  
  
"HEY!" cried CF, "SLOW DOWN!"  
  
The moose stopped.  
  
"Show me a moose," CF told the moose.  
  
The moose blinked and made a moose sound.  
  
"Wow," said CF, whose hand was still on the moose's back, "I'M NEVER GONNA WASH THIS HAND AGAIN!"  
  
And he didn't.~~  
  
"Eww..." said basically everybody.  
  
"How I miss you, moose," said CF.  
  
"SPLENDID!" cried Darth Vader, throwing him out the window.  
  
Everyone cheered.  
  
Link jumped after him.  
  
Everyone shrugged.  
  
"Now let me have a turn!" cried Peach.  
  
"PIGEONS!" yelled Darth Vader.  
  
~~Peach's version:  
  
Peach sat down and watched the opera.~~  
  
"Peach, you moron!" cried Falco. "You could've been rich, famous..."  
  
Peach shrugged. "I already am rich and famous, and I like opera. I'd like to see you try it..."  
  
"OOOH!" cried Darth Vader, "Yes, that would be absolutely spiffy! For I too am an aficionado of the opera!"  
  
~~Falco's version:  
  
"WAIT A MINUTE!" cried Falco, "you're forcing me into singing opera?"  
  
Peach and Darth Vader nodded.  
  
"WELL!" cried Falco, "you can't make me!" and in a FURIOUS RAGE he pulled out his blaster and shot a MILLION IN ONE kinda shot that bounced off a plate, a spoon, a bowl, Darth Vader's helmet, another spoon, my car, a can of beans, a third spoon, and a giant pink flamingo-before hitting the camera, ricocheting off, and KILLING PETE THE CAMERA GUY!!!!!~~  
  
"Hey," cried Falco, "I wasn't finished!"  
  
Darth Vader lit into him. "Falco, you killed the camera guy and messed up the camera. That is not good. Those things aren't cheap, you know!"  
  
"Hey!" protested Pete the now dead camera guy, "I'm not a thing!"  
  
"No..." said Darth Vader, "but you *were* killed to death."  
  
"Oops, sorry, my bad..." he said and fell over.  
  
~~Pete the dead camera guy's version:  
  
He got his job back.~~  
  
And he did. Pete the dead camera guy was officially re-hired because nobody else wanted his job.  
  
And I can't say I blame them.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
ZELDA was faced with a decision. Since Link was now... gone... she had to find some new guy to fall madly in love with. So she decided to take a poll...  
  
  
  
A/N: *stretches* Darth Vader untied me for a minute to do this A/N, so this chappy really will be 2Bcontd... I need ideas, a guy for Zel (as odd as you can throw), whether or not I should continue, etc. SO REVIEW!  
  
Darth Vader: OR ELSE! 


	6. I WILL update by 2003!

Hi everybody... *laughs nervously*  
  
Roy: Why are you laughing nervously?  
  
Um... because this isn't exactly a chapter.  
  
Roy: Oh.  
  
So all you readers out there-chapter 7 is coming, but it's coming very very slowly now because I started my YGO fic that I really want to be done with by Christmas. SO... don't expect another update until 2003.  
  
Roy: And you couldn't put this in your bio because...  
  
Reasons why I couldn't put this in my bio:  
  
1) I also need some volunteers for chapter 8, which I already have a plot for. It involves an army of fangirls and some less-than-fierce weaponry. And I'm not talking cameo, I'm talking OC.  
  
Roy: there's a difference?  
  
Um... I guess OC's get a better role. And OC's also get to semi-torture the character of their choice.  
  
Roy: But what does that have to do with-  
  
No buts, Roy. So volunteer, folks, and pick your character. Since most fangirls out there are the Marth and Roy and Link fans, I figure Marth, Roy, and Link are given, but if you have any other ideas, then go ahead and say them. More than one person can have one character because that's the way it works. It also helps with cooperation among fanfiction authors! Besides, if no one volunteers, then we won't have a chapter 8.  
  
Roy: *sarcastically* and we wouldn't want that, would we?  
  
Reason 2 for this not being in my bio: I don't like the number 6. Therefore, no chapter 6!  
  
Roy: What? What kind of reason is th- *sees Linzy ignoring him and playing with a random octopus that appeared out of nowhere* Nevermind...  
  
So, um, review. Yeah. I had more reasons, but then forgot. So have a Merry Christmas. 


	7. And a cameo by Dr Frodo

Hey all. I finally got some time to type this up cuz I'm home sick and all that. So, um, read and review.  
  
Disclaimer: Like a disclaimer in all the other chapters wasn't enough... I don't own SSBM. Or anything else. Get over it.  
  
Chapter 7- What if... Fox... was a Mary Sue/ all-powerful authoress/ whatever else you can think of/ etc.  
  
Fox was ready. One on one, vs. Ness.  
  
The kid was going down.  
  
So it started. The battle was going well; they were playing on the Great Fox, flying over Corneria... all too familiar to Fox. Punches were being thrown from both sides, then Fox performed an Elaborately Complicated Combo (A/N: Kids, don't try this at home. It involves the Q button, which doesn't exist...) and sent Ness flying. Fox was so proud of himself... BOOM!  
  
And Ness came up behind him, Bob-bomb in hand.  
  
***  
  
Fox next awoke to a white ceiling. He was lying in a hospital bed and everyone was standing over him.  
  
Unfortunately, he wasn't entirely sure who "everyone" was.  
  
"Amnesia," said Dr. Mario to some other doctor guy standing around. "It will wear off soon- ah, he's awake."  
  
Fox, of course, understood nothing. "I'm PRETTY!" he cried, running out the door.  
  
Unfortunately again, Pete the camera guy grabbed him before he ran off the set. Poor Pete, always putting up with overactors...  
  
Pete nodded in agreement.  
  
ANYWAY!  
  
Fox apparently made it back into the room. Bowser, Ganondorf, and Zelda moved to guard the door because Bowser and G-dorf kick butt, and because I think Zelda knows more magic than she lets on to.  
  
Link then used his hookshot to tie Fox to a chair.  
  
"MY HAIR!" cried Fox, "YOU'RE MESSING IT UP!"  
  
Link was greatly afraid.  
  
Fox used his super-metal-melting-powers (tm) to melt Link's hookshot to nothing. Except a puddle of Hookshot Goo (tm).  
  
Most of the Smashers gasped. Fox smiled charismatically. Dr. Mario smiled evilly, suddenly realizing Fox could be his big break in the GLORIOUS WORLD OF SCIENCE!!! (tm)  
  
And Link fainted because Fox had melted his hookshot.  
  
"Fox!" cried Dr. Mario, "you have super powers!"  
  
"Fox?" said Fox, "Who is Fox? I am- "  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" cried the Smashers.  
  
Pete the camera guy sighed. "Wait for it, people..."  
  
" -MARY SUE!" finished Fox.  
  
All the Smashers ran for their lives. The door guards were the first to escape. Unfortunately, most of the other Smashers either tripped over Link, who was still unconscious on the floor, or they stepped in Link's melted hookshot and were stuck to the floor. Those who tripped got up and ran dizzily for their lives.  
  
Dr. Mario stayed very calm and still throughout all of this. "So... uh... Mary Sue..." he began, "what are some of your other powers?"  
  
"Well..." began Fox... uh, Mary Sue... "I can shoot fire from my fingertips, I can levitate things, I can fly, I can make protagonists fall hopelessly in love with me, I can..."  
  
"Okay, that's enough," said Dr. Mario.  
  
Fox wasn't finished though. "...skateboard, I can bellydance, I can shop, I'm HOPELESSLY beautiful, I'm a supergenius, I can..."  
  
"SHUT UP!" yelled Dr. Mario.  
  
Wow, that was a mistake.  
  
Dr. Mario was... um... well, there was a big flash of light and suddenly, Dr. Mario was not a part of the plot anymore.  
  
The other doctor guy, who was actually Frodo Baggins in disguise, ran for his life.  
  
Fox caught him before he reached the door.  
  
"Alright," he said, "Remember, none of this ever happened. I don't want fans outside my door at all hours!"  
  
Frodo nodded and ran.  
  
Link slowly sat up. "Ow..." he muttered, "I think I hit my head on something."  
  
Fox looked over at Link.  
  
(A/N: Okay, you know how in anime, the girls have a habit of getting hearts in their eyes and going into a dream-sequence type thing? Where they have a habit of marrying them at the end... *pauses, remembers Pokemon* Not just the girls either... ANYHOW, back to the fic)  
  
So Fox looked at Link with those anime-heart-eyes.  
  
Link, by now, was very freaked out. First Fox had melted his hookshot, and now Fox had that look in his eyes... the same one all the fangirls got when they saw him...  
  
This was just not a good situation.  
  
"Hello, Link," Fox said sweetly, "You're looking very handsome today."  
  
Link's eyes widened.  
  
"You know, we don't see each other much anymore... Why is that?" Fox continued.  
  
"Uh... uh..."  
  
Fox giggled. "Are you speechless? Yeah, my beauty does that to guys a lot." He got right up to Link's face. "But none of the guys are as cute as you." Fox moved to kiss him. Link screamed, ducked, and ran to the door, which was locked. He climbed up onto a table.  
  
"Uh, Fox, can't we talk this over or something?"  
  
"Call me Mary Sue."  
  
"Okay, um, Mary Sue, no offense, but I'm not like *that*."  
  
"Like what?"  
  
"YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!"  
  
"No I don't! I'm just a poor orphan girl who fought her way through a life on the street and is now rich and famous!" cried Fox. "And I meet a lot of hot guys."  
  
Link smacked his forehead. "Fox! You're a guy!" Link paused. "I think that might be the strangest sentence I've ever said."  
  
Fox looked up at Link, tears in his eyes. "I can't believe you just said that to me!"  
  
"Neither can I," replied Link, meaning it literally.  
  
"I have to fight you now," said Fox, pulling out his blaster, which he had decorated with lots of flowers and pink ribbons.  
  
Link drew his sword, and the two began to fight. This of course, caused the SSBM announcer guy to stop whatever he was doing- in this case, performing a tonsillectomy- and announce the battle. So that's what he did.  
  
"One stock battle- Link vs. Fox. Start the melee!" he cried, then ran off because his patient was getting annoyed.  
  
And so, they fought.  
  
Fox fired at Link, who dodged the shot, turned around, and slammed the hilt of his sword on Fox's head, effectively ending the match.  
  
The announcer guy ran back in, annoyed that they didn't fight for longer. "End battle, Link wins, blah blah." He ran out.  
  
After a few minutes, Fox began to wake up. Link had knocked him out with one hit- and boy, did Fox's head hurt.  
  
Fox picked up his blaster. "Is this... mine?" he wondered aloud. "It's. pink."  
  
Link laughed. "So... you're awake. And yes, that is your blaster."  
  
"WHO DID THIS TO MY BLASTER?! They have taken its pride, its respect! And worst of all... they installed a STUN SETTING!" Fox sobbed. "I always leave it on instant KO! They got rid of my flamethrower option too!"  
  
"Glad to see you're back to normal." Link smiled and walked out the door.  
  
~fin~  
  
A/N: What's so wacky is yesterday I watched one of the Muppet movies... the one where they're in Manhattan or something. And Kermit had amnesia...  
  
So um, read and review! And chapter 8 is coming! And continue to sign up for the thing from chapter 7! I'll need more of that, so that'll be chapter nine... And these numbers are making my head hurt, so R&R!!! 


	8. Nice Pants

Mwah!  Chapter 8!  And it's a sequel to Budget Cuts!  

A/N:  Yeah, I know, it totally shouldn't have taken this long for me to get this chapter out.  I had like 4 different ideas... this one only actually took like a weekend to write.  *sigh*  Anyway, R&R!  Oh, and my apologies in advance for taking a long time with the next chapter.  My classes this year are so evil.  I can't believe we're already back in school...

Disclaimer: Must I fool myself with false illusions that _I_, an _obsessive teenage fangirl owns _SSBM_?  I didn't think so._

What if... Marth and Roy... STILL... had a cooking show?

            "Roy!  Roy!" cried Marth, bursting in.

            "What?" said Roy, who was sitting in his living room reading the paper.  He wondered briefly how Marth had gotten into his house.  He'd changed the locks after that cooking show fiasco...

            "They want us back!"  Marth motioned frantically to what appeared to Roy to be a wall.

            Roy wondered if Bowser had landed on Marth's head again.  He then voiced those concerns.

            Marth glared at him.  "The cooking show, Roy."

            Roy's eyes widened.  "You're not serious."

            "Of course I am, Roy.  They want us to make PB&J, just like you said."

            "But... but..."

            "Come on!"  Marth dragged Roy down the street towards the studio.

            "But... but... Marth, can I at least change first?"  Roy motioned to his clothes: a pair of pink flannel pajama pants with little yellow rubber duckies on them and a black t-shirt that read, "I hate everything about you." (A/N:  3 Days Grace!  Yay!)  He was also wearing no shoes.

            "You look fine," said Marth, surpressing a laugh.

            "I do not!" retorted Roy.  "You and Link borrowed all my clothes!  All I had left was this t-shirt!  I had to borrow the pants from Zel!"  He paused.  "She told me they were Link's."

            "That's a relief, that those aren't your pants."

            "Yeah, well, it was either this or kittens."

            "Because pink is TOTALLY not your color.  I mean, it clashes horribly with your hair."

            Roy had no comment.

* * *

            "Welcome..." muttered Roy.

            "TO MARTH AND ROY DEAD!!!" cried Marth extravagantly.  Fireworks shot off in the background.

            "Where did we get money for pyrotechnics?"

            "Sold the cow."

            "Ah."

            "Anyway..." said Marth, turning to the camera, "today we'll be making..."

            "...peanut butter and jelly sandwiches!" finished Roy.

            "Author style!" added Marth.

            Roy's eyes widened.  "What?"

            Marth shrugged.  "She told me to.  She taught me how it's done... those sandwiches were the best..."

            "Fine," said Roy.  "Just tell me what we'll need."

            "For one sandwich..." said Marth, "Two slices... OF BREAD!"  He started waving his arms around.

            Roy got the bread from the cabinet and put it on the counter.  He turned back to Marth and was immensely freaked out to see two guys dressed like slices of bread wandering onto the stage.  "Marth... you are never managing the budget again."

            "Also..." Marth continued, apparently not noticing/caring about Roy's comment.  "JELLY!"  This time he began dancing around like a psychotic fish was after him.  (A/N:  That happened to my brother at the beach, so I know well what it looks like.  O.o)

            Roy raised an eyebrow, but he grabbed the jelly all the same.  He turned back to Marth and noticed a guy who appeared to be soaking wet.  He looked closer...  "Link!?"

            "I'm jelly!" cried Link to the camera.  He turned to Roy.  "It was the coolest thing ever, Roy!  They dunked me in a vat of grape goodness... By the way, nice pants."

            "They're yours."

            "And we need PEANUT BUTTER!" cried Marth with flourish.  

            Roy got the peanut butter and set it on the counter.  He turned to see a guy dressed like a jar of peanut butter who couldn't fit through the door of the studio.  Roy sighed.

            "TWO SPOONS!"

            Roy got the spoons and noticed two girls dressed like spoons trying to shove the peanut butter guy through the door.  Link ran over to help, and Roy watched as the jelly on his shoes caused him to slip, slide across the floor, and smack into the peanut butter guy, sending everyone flying out the door.  A moan was heard outside.

            "AND... a coffee mug," finished Marth.  He turned around and waved at a piece of bread guy.

            "A coffee mug...?" Roy muttered to himself.  He got it off a shelf, however, and set it on the counter.  

            Suddenly, Roy heard a large crash.  Roy looked in the direction of the distraction and noted a giant coffee mug had just crashed through the wall.  Link was driving and the spoon girls were giggling in the back.  The peanut butter guy ambled in the through the huge hole.

            Link smiled, pleased with himself for just having caused thousands of dollars in property damage and also for managing to score two girls (even if they _were spoons) in the back of a coffee mug car (a convertible).  He hit the gas and they sped toward the stage.  "I got covered in jelly, hooked up with two girls/spoons, and am currently driving a coffee mug that I crashed through a wall," Link thought.  "Why not get on TV too?"_

            "Jelly!" called Marth, "There are no brakes!"

            "Jelly?" thought Link, "Oh.  Me."  He blinked.  "THERE ARE NO BRAKES?!"

            The coffee mug sped onto the stage and spun out, taking out half the counter (but no ingredients or hosts) and one of the guys dressed like a slice of bread before crashing through the opposite wall and hitting a random squirrel.  The squirrel was grateful and transformed the bread guy back to a human, and the spoon-girls back to regular girls, and the clock and the candlestick back to the butler and the fat guy, and the featherduster back to the maid/butler's girlfriend chick, and the footstool back to the yappy dog, and the dresser back to- "

            Wait.  That's "Beauty and the Beast."  Never mind.

            Instead of a random squirrel, the mug hit a tree.  An arm reached down from the branches and scooped the mug and its occupants up.

            There was silence.

Roy blinked and shrugged.  He turned back to Marth, who had already put a spoonful each of peanut butter and jelly into the mug and was licking the peanut butter spoon.  The other bread guy was hiding.  Somewhere.

            Marth then began to violently stir the PB&J in the mug.  Roy jumped back.  When it was mixed together enough,  Marth stopped and fell over.  Roy cautiously leaned over and looked into the coffee mug.

            "Marth?"

            "Yeah?" replied Marth from the floor.

            "This looks like crap."

            "...Well, your pants are pink."

            "Shut up."  Roy kicked him.

            "Ow."

            "Do you intend to get up?"

            "Not really."

            "Then what do I do?"

            "Just glob some of that on the bread, stack the sandwich, get a glass of milk, and enjoy."

            "But Marth..."

            "And let me lick the spoon when you're done."

            Roy sighed and did what Marth said.  So far, he'd made it past the "glass of milk" part.  But come on, that goop looked like something from Fear Factor!  Or Super Mario Sunshine!

            Roy closed his eyes and took a bite.

            There was silence.

            "Marth?"

            "Yeah?"

            "That tasted like heaven."  Roy then fell over.

            "Yup.  So, uh join us next time on Marth and Roy Dead."

            The coffee mug crashed through another wall, chased by the arm with the propeller on wheels.

            ~fin~

A/N:  Don't ask about the arm with the propeller on wheels.  *grin*  That was so fun.  NOW REVIEW!      


End file.
